What I Learned on my Summer Vacation

This July I went to Poza Rica, Veracruz in Mexico to visit my boyfriend who lives there.  This was my second trip to Mexico.  Six years ago I went to Durango on a mission trip with my Southern Baptist church.  That trip and those people (both my fellow mission-trip-ers and the Mexican people we met) forever marked me.  I've loved Mexico ever since.  A month after my second trip, I have had time to reflect on what I learned on my vacation.

On this recent trip, I was reminded again and again that the man visiting Mexico in 2012 is a completely different person than the boy who went in 2006.  Perhaps because of that, I found the lessons I took away and the way in which I was "marked" this time, to be of a different variety than before.  So here, in three lessons, is what I learned:

We don't need to "help" people by "reaching" them...we need to connect with them because we need them as much as they need us.

MISSIONS is a word used by American Christians to mean a few different things.  Mostly we use it to refer either to service (serving the poor, painting houses, building sanctuaries) or evangelism (proselytizing).  When I last went, it was on a trip to what the SBC had taken to call "unreached people groups"--ethnic groups of people who's knowledge of The Gospel (copyright SBC?) was at an extremely low level.  When we got to Durango, we found a group of people who identified by and large as committed Catholics.  Rancheros where the main attraction of the little town was the church.  But of course, Catholicism didn't count in our version of the gospel.  This time around I realized how dumb that concept of evangelism is...how self-centered, proud, and egocentric...the idea that American Christians somehow need to "help" these people who aren't Christian enough in their Christianity.  Because their cultural version of Christianity isn't pure Christianity like ours...you know, the kind that pledges allegiance to the American flag at Vacation Bible School (an awkward practice when you take your VBS on the road to another country), the kind that thinks the "old songs" are ones written in 1950 and published by Stamps Baxter.  I learned on this trip that my cultural Christianity is important to me because Christ transforms culture and culture is just another way of God's creative work continuing in and among us, God's children.  At the same time, the cultures of other people, Christian and otherwise, are not in competition with my faith but are necessary to enrich it.  We ought to send American Christians across the world on mission trips...the mission should be to learn how to be better Christians by observing how other brothers and sisters across the world do this thing we call "following Jesus."

Our immigration policy is immoral

This isn't a lesson about immigration reform, who to vote for in the coming election, or how to protect our borders.  I don't even know the answers to those questions.  I'm saying that we are asking the wrong questions.  While we debate issues of national security, visit the home of your neighbors who don't have all the right papers in their chest of drawers and ask about the fears that grip them when it comes to their family, their immigration status, and the economic and social climate in their home country.  While we talk about amnesty and obeying the law, go look into the face of a mother who wants her children to be safe and successful and the eyes of a young man who dreams of doing something significant and decide for yourself if geography is enough reason to ignore those wants and dreams.  Our immigration policy in this country is confusing, unjust, unfair, imbalanced, broken, and ironic (as in great grandchildren of illegal immigrants, i.e. white people, deciding who gets to stay or go).  But beyond all of that political discussion, it isn't just politics and policy--it's people...and how we treat these neighbors of ours is immoral and wrong.  "When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong.  You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God"  -God.  (Leviticus 19:33-34)

Church should be like a Mexican karaoke bar

One night I went out to a karaoke bar in Poza Rica.  We drank tequila and people sang.  And drank.  And sang.  And drank.  And drank.  But there was a marked difference between karaoke here and there.  When the people in the bar knew the song, they sang out.  Loudly.  And as the night wore on, louder.  These people who didn't know each other threw off their inhibitions to enjoy what they shared in common: love of a song.  Those who didn't know the words were caught up in an atmosphere of community.  The person with the mic was drowned out by those nearest me singing their hearts out.  Church should be like that.  People who might not normally become a community gathering in joy around something in common...in our case, Jesus.  Singing our hearts out, unconcerned about how we look because it's about the song.  Not reverently listening to one person perform, but becoming part of the performance ourselves, thereby lifting up the efforts of the leader but drowning them out as our song becomes a song of community...a chorus, not a solo.  Nobody worried about singing too many verses.  Those who don't know the song we're singing, still caught up in the atmosphere of being a community.  No one bored.  No one feeling awkward.  No one excluded or left out (after all, if you don't know the songs we're singing, go pick your own and sing your heart out too!).  Joy.  Celebration.  Communion.  Singing.  Fellowship.  Diversity.  Loud people and quietly smiling people.  People apologizing to the next table for a friend who is a little over eager.  All of these things should mark the community that follows Christ.

So many other lessons I learned on my trip--some too close to the heart to share here.  But above all I learned that people aren't so different from each other.  Language, culture, karaoke song choices, religions...they divide a humanity that is afraid to look at "the other" and see themselves.  Perhaps, if we looked at each other and loved what we saw, we'd learn to love who God has made us too...for in each of us resides the image of God.  In each of us also is the need to stop, rest, and declare with God about God's creation, "it is good."

A New Wind is Blowing in East Texas

 

May 20, 2012 was not Pentecost Sunday.  May 27, 2012 was.  May 27 was also Memorial Day weekend and Woodland Christian Church in Longview, Texas likes our high holy days to be well attended.  So we just moved Pentecost up a week.  Because that’s how we roll.  We (basically) follow the lectionary and we sing the doxology but we are far from dyed-in-the-wool liturgical.  So moving Pentecost up works for us.

May 20, 2012 was also the day of a very important vote in the life of our church.  Not realizing it while scheduling everything in the month of May (do you have any idea how much stuff goes on just in May alone?!), Pentecost Sunday and the Sunday that we voted on whether or not to amend our constitution to become officially Open and Affirming fell on the same day. 

Without being dramatic with the suspense, I’ll simply tell you: the vote passed with more than the 2/3rds congregational vote required to amend the constitution.  The vote is historic.  We are the first church in East Texas to officially declare themselves to be Open and Affirming (there may be a very select few other congregations who might fit the bill, but the denominational requirements differ or do not require a congregational vote of this nature, perhaps).  We are the 5^th Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) church in Texas to declare O&A and the 20^th in the South Central Conference (comprised of several states, including Texas) of the United Churches of Christ to do so (we are part of the 25% of that conference who now declare ONA). 

The same day of our vote, historic First Presbyterian Church in downtown Longview voted by almost the same percentage as our vote to leave the Presbyterian Church, USA (PCUSA) in protest over the denomination allowing the ordination of non-celibate gay and lesbian clergy.  But that vote is just more of the same in East Texas.  Why it makes news is confusing since it’s just part of the stale, old wind that’s been blowing around for years (in East Texas and the church).  It’s part of the same tired arguments about taking a stand against the homosexual agenda or bowing to culture or holiness or purity or whatever other excuse we make to marginalize groups of people.  But there is a fresh Wind blowing.  The Holy Spirit is moving…even amid and among the tired, stale winds that threaten to calm the fierce movement of the Holy Spirit.  And the Holy Spirit, well, She’s never been known to back down or settle down.

Here’s what’s most surprising about that historic vote Sunday.  It didn’t feel historic.  Not for me (Maybe others will comment about how it felt for them).  It didn't feel life changing.  I heard no rushing mighty wind.  I saw no flames of fire flickering and dancing unexpectedly in the room.  I felt no breeze.  I heard no strange languages.  I honestly felt relief.  Relief that we can finally put this issue that is contentious in Christendom today exactly where it belongs—in the past.  Relief that we as a church can finally be honest and proud of who we are because individuals in our body had the courage to say “enough of this wrangling over words and statements…let’s be clear and let’s do this because these people we are talking about are our family!”  And we did.  

The Earth did not move.  There was no crowd outside stopping in their tracks asking “what meaneth this?”  Actually, some just clapped and then we went to lunch (or a board meeting)!  Just like every Sunday.  Because what we voted on wasn’t to fundamentally change anything about our church.  It was just to tell people who we are—who God has fit us together to be. 

But that lack of amazing fanfare doesn’t fool me at all…this was a work of God’s Spirit and it was mighty indeed.  The Wind blowing through our church on Sunday morning isn’t finished blowing.  People will take notice of this.  They may talk about it.  And even in churches and groups where people gather to criticize our church’s stance, there may be some gay or lesbian in the closet listening…some young questioning teen or some straight teen who just can’t get their head around why the church won’t fully include their gay friends.  And they’ll hear the message the Spirit of God was saying at Woodland Christian Church on Sunday: “Don’t remember the former things or think about the past.  I’m doing a new thing—it’s springing up now, can’t you see it?  I am making a road in the wilderness and streams in the desert to give drink to my people, the people I formed for myself so that they will declare my praise.   Hey! Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters!  And you who are flat broke, come buy and eat the wine and the milk that are free…” (my paraphrase from Isa. 43 and Isa. 55)

Don’t be mistaken, justice isn’t always established by far reaching legislation and legal mandates. Sometimes it is established in meekness. Sometimes it doesn’t come at a great denominational meeting in a big city with lots of delegates speaking for lots of people…Sometimes it is established in a small corner of the world in a little church in East Texas.  Justice doesn’t always fix every problem, sometimes it raises our awareness of other problems and drives us to do something about them too!  Sometimes a few people in an upper room get a breath of Wind and are set on fire to leave those four walls and go change the world—one moment of justice, one act of mercy, one statement of grace at a time. 

Ms. Nancy, the "kitchen queen" at Woodland!  

I could not begin to say it any better than my dear friend, Ms.Nancy, the “kitchen queen” at our church, said it: 

 “We are starting a new chapter in the life of Woodland Church.  There should not be,nor should there ever have been any ‘us’ and ‘them.’  We are all children of God.  Let’s move forward as ‘we’ and ‘our church.’  After much prayer and personal soul searching,I am certain we took the right path.  Let us all work together to build ‘our’ church, and be open to being led by Him in whatever plan he has for our future. Welcome to all my precious friends…!!”

Amen!  And thanks be to God!

"He thinks he's a liberal (bless his heart)"

FYI: I am an Obama supporter.  Not because he's black and I value racial equality (I do).  Not because he's cool (he is) and I'm under 30 so I like the cool guy.  Not because he FINALLY said something in support of gay MARRIAGE (instead of using other euphemisms), not because I'm too stupid to be Republican or Libertarian, and not because I'm too dumb to understand his economic policy or any other policy.  Not because I hate rich people (someone needs to be able to contribute more than $5 to the campaign).  I am a real life, actual liberal like they show on National Geographic in its natural habitat (Portland, OR maybe).  And, yes, I do know what that means even if you think (a) it's a bad word or (b) it just refers to me being okay with the gay or other social hippy free love stuff.

I actually believe in the fiscal policy of the President...because it works!

I actually believe in Health Reform...because it has made American lives better and improved a broken system.

My criticisms of the President are almost ALWAYS because he has not been liberal ENOUGH (i.e. avoiding single payer discussion, war policy, extension of Bush's anti-terrorism policies).  I like it when people call the president a socialist because (1) I know he isn't one and I think it's funny and (2) I sort-of am a socialist in many ways.  I favor an economic policy that redistributes wealth because ALL economic policy does that...even if you are a libertarian and think that government shouldn't even build roads and should only pay for defense, because that's just taking people's money and distributing it to the "defense industry."  Rich people don't get rich on their own...the rest of us pay for the roads that ship material to and from their factory, the police force that protects their assets, the fire department that responds to fires at their factory, the education of the employees that work there, the roads and public transportation that carry those employees safely to and from work, the product safety regulation that ensures they don't use dangerous materials that could harm their business or produce hazardous products that could harm others, etc. etc. etc.  I'm a liberal who actually believes in the President's tax policy...because, if implemented in full force, I believe it would strengthen a weakened middle class and close an income gap that threatens to collapse our free market economy.

Yes, I applaud the advances made for gay rights by this President.  I can't imagine a gay person voting for another candidate, because none of them have the record for advancing equality for LGBT persons the way that Barack Obama does.  That doesn't mean that we've arrived or that the President's record is exhaustive or perfect...equality is hard won, and can't be accomplished by a single politician, no matter how effective.  Politics are still politics and involve nuance (lying) and maneuvering (manipulation).  And that also doesn't mean there aren't LGBT people (or allies) that would vigorously discuss with me my inability to imagine them voting for someone else!  But I would just appreciate it if people would stop talking to me like I only support Obama because I don't know any better (bless my heart).

I'm not a conservative who is gay so I have to support Obama.  I don't applaud Obama's record on certain civil rights because I think that his record is perfect or because I didn't know there were gay republicans or that libertarians would sort-of let me get married too (so long as they could abolish state recognition of marriage altogether and so long as I'm religious since marriage to a libertarian is only a religious affair and not a cultural and social construct, centuries in the making).

I'm not a "fiscal conservative" who just doesn't know I have other options in this election (there's nothing "conservative" about giving tax breaks to big oil or about the top 1% of the country owning a massive percentage of GDP). I'm actually a progressive who believes the more wealth someone has, the more taxes they should pay as a larger percentage of their income, and that the biggest problem with our social welfare system isn't fraud but inaccessibility and lack of effective benefits.

I'm not a closet Libertarian who favors laissez faire economic policy or even social policy for that matter!

I do not care about the size of government as much as I care about its effectiveness.  I am a civil libertarian because that's part of liberalism, not because I didn't realize there was an entire political philosophy called libertarianism that I could subscribe to.  And that speaks to much of the commonality that exists among disparate factions of American political thinking...and why we should have more respect for our common ground in these discussions of politics or religion or any other divisive issue (I know: physician, heal thyself!)

I'm a liberal.  And that means I favor elections where everyone can vote (easily, without hindrance, encouraging the highest turnout of voters...even in red Texas) and where you can be as Republican, conservative, Libertarian, or whatever as you want!  I LOVE that so many of my friends are actually just basic conservatives (about everything except they support equality or women's rights or health care reform or whatever exception they might make that endears them to me LOL) and that so many are ACTUAL liberals who are constantly having to patiently explain that they aren't just a confused conservative who didn't know you could be for the Bush tax cuts and marriage equality at the same time.  It's just that I believe people are conservative and/or to the right of me because they disagree with me about fundamental issues of policy or political philosophy...not because they don't get what being conservative means or they don't understand the issues or they are hateful or anti-God or anti-America.  I just like when people treat me with the same deference. I'd rather be yelled at than dismissed.

And, just in case my positions above didn't make you mad enough...I'm not just a liberal who is a Christian, I'm also a liberal Christian...a theological liberal...but that's a whole other series of blog posts!

Now grab your pitchforks and torches and discuss...  :)

Country Club Heaven

Country Club Heaven

Why heaven might be big enough for people who don't believe the right stuff (you know, the stuff I believe)

All my life I've thought of heaven as a members only club.  You must believe in Jesus Christ as your personal Savior and accept Him into your heart.  What about the guy on a desert island who never hears of Jesus?  Or the poor kid that had the bad luck to be born into a Hindu or Muslim family?  Well, that's why we have missionaries-to share the bad news; unless you convert, you shall all likewise perish.  And God gives light enough so that even those people are without excuse...you accept the light God gives and you'll get more.  So that makes me wonder, in this country club Christianity of ours, how much light do you have to have to warrant TRUE "saving" faith?

We have to believe in Jesus, right?  But in what way?  Can the oneness Pentecostals who deny the distinct Persons within the Trinity yet affirm the deity of Jesus by saying that he is both Father and Holy Spirit as well as Son...Is their unorthodox view of the godhead ok enough to let them in (even though they might not want to let any of the Trinitarians in)?  What about the good Christian at First Anykind Church Anywhere USA who firmly believes in the Trinity and the deity of Christ but couldn't explain the first thing about what the Trinity means?  Do they believe in the right Jesus?  What about the guy who loves Jesus with all his heart but still talks about "God and Jesus" as though Jesus wasn't really God or even the Son of God because that guy isn't far enough along theologically to even care about it...and what if he dies before he has the good sense to care about such an important doctrine?

Can I doubt the literal nature of some of the miracles recorded in the gospel?  Can I believe that maybe Jesus didn't cast out literal demons but instead healed mental illnesses and still make it in?  Or does that doubt exclude me?  Where do we draw the line?  Is it the Nicene Creed or the Athanasian Creed?  Or the Apostle's Creed (the one not available at the time of the Apostles)?

I don't think I'm a universalist yet.  Because I am so convinced of the reality of Christ, I believe that every person who enters into eternal life will do so because of what Jesus did.  But I just can't wrap my head around the creedalism of all of Christianity (including the sects that reject Creeds) that says entrance into heaven is based on what someone believes.  I'm not saying what you believe doesn't matter...or that faith isn't what saves us.  I just think that grace and faith might be bigger concepts that anyone ever imagined.

Isn't that what the writer of Hebrews suggests when he says that Abraham was saved by faith?  Now, in my early days of preaching, I'd say that just like we look back to Jesus and the cross, Abraham looked forward to Jesus and the cross and was saved just like me.  But that's both unrealistic and not exactly scriptural.  Abraham just believed God.  And he was counted righteous because of it.  And I just don't believe Abraham had any concept of a Messiah, of a cross, of a sacrificial death of God.  It didn't coincide with his worldview and God was revealing God's self to Abraham in terms Abraham could understand.  Ultimately, and finally, God reveals God's self in Jesus who we all can understand, even if we don't all the time or until the end of time (?).  So Abraham is saved by God's grace-the grace that gives Abraham the faith to respond to God in the way God is calling at that time.  

So what if God isn't calling everyone to a commitment card to sign on the dotted line concerning Jesus?  What if, instead, God is at work in Jesus reconciling the world to God's self in radical ways for a radically diverse world?  The Methodists call it "prevenient grace."  Grace that precedes and is at work in a person long before they are even able to respond...the grace, indeed, that gives the person the ability to respond at all (hence, the response-ability).  It's why Methodists are quite comfortable baptizing infants while other traditions might hesitate because, after all, God is already at work in that infant's life in God's prevenient grace so why wouldn't we mark that child as a partaker in the covenant community of Christ?  Maybe God's prevenient grace in the world is also a prevalent grace that is at work in places and among peoples who don't yet (or may never) share our faith in Jesus but among whom Jesus is busy at work.  Maybe God's grace is preventative, keeping the human race from stumbling out of God's hand even if they change their doctrine and get it wrong (or never believe the right thing ever?).  Certainly it is a Providential grace that is working a much bigger plan than just the conversion of individuals to a doctrinal stance (even one related to the very person of Jesus himself).  

After all, when the centurion said "Surely this was a son of (the) god(s)" he didn't mean "Son of God" the way we Christians do and yet I fully believe God responded when Jesus asked the Father to forgive him.  And the thief on the cross-did he really understand the deity of Christ (the gospel writers believed he understood at least the kingship) even though Christ had not yet entered his glory?  And was that even an issue when Jesus welcomed him into the kingdom?  Yes, there's the question of the other "thief"...the question of persistent or hostile unbelief...questions after questions.  But they are that for me-questions.  For too many people they are certainties.  Certainties of what God requires a person to believe in order the get into club heaven.  Certainties I don't share because I'm not sure their heaven is big enough for all of my wrong beliefs.  They see Jesus as "THE Way" and I see Jesus as "the WAY."  And I'm just not sure that faith in God and what one believes about God are necessarily codependent.  Sometimes I think we believe God and it is counted to us for righteousness even when we don't get who the God we are believing in really is.  That was certainly true of all the disciples prior to the resurrection, Pentecost, and maybe even later than that.  It's been true of the developing beliefs (now dogmas) of Christianity for two thousand years now.    Sometimes I think maybe we don't even believe in God at all, but we do believe in the work God is doing in the world though we may not see the God doing it.  Maybe the atheists aren't as faithless as we accuse them of being.  I certainly see greater faith among them than in all of Israel many times.

Maybe the country club has a back room we neglect as we rattle on about things like "absolute truth" and "true faith" and "non negotiables."  I'm by no means certain.  I don't know if I believe everyone goes to heaven in the end.  But at least I can say that I hope so-and I hope if heaven is smaller than that it's at least big enough to fit all us Christians with our wrong beliefs in too.  

Scaring the hell out of Christians

Growing up in an evangelical tradition (though my fundamentalist missionary Baptist friends would cringe that I would even associate them with such liberals), preaching on hell was regular and important to me.  I read the book by Robert Jeffress, now pastor of First Baptist Church in Dallas, called Hell? Yes! outlining controversial beliefs Christians (should) have and why they are important.  In that book I was encouraged to find out that there was a stalwart of the faith who believed and defended all the right things, just like me.  All other religions were wrong, patriarchy was Biblical then and morally right now, evolution was a myth, gays were perverts, America was a Christian nation, and (the title of the chapter) "God sends good people to hell" (I think that one was about how being morally good isn't enough to save you from hell).

I'm in a much different place spiritually now.  A better place I hope.

As I was so fond of pointing out back in those days of certitude and dogmatic orthodoxy, Jesus talked about hell.  (Never mind, of course, that the pictures Jesus painted of hell don't line up with that dogmatic orthodox picture.)  And while I'm definitely a progressive Christian who doesn't believe we should use even Holy Writ to silence what the voice of Jesus is saying today, I do believe if Jesus talked about it, we should too.  Yes, I'm saying it...we need more talks on hell.  But just like the pictures Scripture draw for us, there are all kinds of hell...in all kinds of places...most of which (all of which?) are not in the afterlife.  So here's my brief blog attempt to talk about those kinds of hell...the kinds that press in around us every day and threaten the kingdom of God among us and within us.

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are. – Matthew 23:15 (NIV)

We need to preach that if we go out of our way to win souls for heaven by making the Christian life a living hell full of rules and obligations and conformity and uniformity, we are acting like children of hell's tyranny rather than heaven's kingdom.

But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca, is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. – Matthew 5:22 (NIV)

We need to preach that when we create hells for people with our angry, condemning or thoughtless words that steal, kill, and destroy, we place ourselves in condemnation.  We are created to live in community and that community, those relationships, matter to God.

I tell you, many will come from east and west and recline at table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven, while the sons of the kingdom will be thrown into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” And to the centurion Jesus said, “Go; let it be done for you as you have believed.” And the servant was healed at that very moment. – Matthew 8:11-13 (ESV)

We need to preach that the people who should be most afraid of the hell that presses in on us in this broken world, are Christians.  The in crowd.  The ones who have already made it.  We need to preach that God is growing God's kingdom through all the wrong people, with all the wrong beliefs, in all the wrong places, out on the margins of what we have decided is acceptable and appropriate.  And if we reject THAT surprising, different, world-changing Kingdom of Heaven...what makes us "sons of the kingdom" think that there's another kingdom especially for us?  We should preach on the lamentable condition of "kingdom people" who prefer to remain in outer darkness so long as the people there are all the "right kind" of people.  And before we progressive Christians get high and mighty about our sweeping  and inclusive love, it should be pointed out that the centurion represented the oppressor...avoiding hell means embracing a heaven full of people who "shouldn't" be there.  Including those who have hurt us.  It means that a vision of heaven that is too small to include Robert Jeffress, who might exclude me from the kingdom himself (I don't know), is a heaven too small for me too...and that's not heaven at all.

Maybe hell are all those times when heaven is absent.  Maybe hell is all those places where strife, and hunger, and abuse, and fear reign rather than peace, and generosity, and healing, and love.  Maybe what many Christians call heaven looks like hell to others.  And maybe it is.  And maybe we ought to talk about all the hells that people are seeing and living and be just as fervent about "saving" people from those hells too.  Maybe there'd be less people going to hell if we would quit sending them there day in and day out.  Maybe if our idea of heaven got bigger and we lived in light of that, maybe then the hells of this life would grow smaller.  Maybe if we preached more about the kinds of hells that Christians ought to avoid, we would live faithfully as disciples of Jesus who are committed to expanding the kingdom of Heaven for others.  Thy kingdom come...

Secret girlfriends
Please affirm me: an open letter to my church and yours.


The wonderful, alive, loving, extravagantly welcoming, diverse, Spirit driven church that I'm a member of is coming to the end of its months long open and affirming study process.  We'll vote soon.  My church is not anti-gay.  When the local Metropolitan Community Church (now a non-denominational fellowship) needed a building, my church opened up and said "Hey-you guys should use our building...and come worship with us too!"  So, as a result, that church (the "gay" church in town) is my church too...it's functionally the Sunday School class that is part of what's helping to drive exciting growth in my church at large.  We have straight couples, gay couples, couples with children, single people, people with a past, youth, retired people, recovering people, poor, rich, republican, democrat.  I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't be welcomed at our church.  And the GLBT people at our church are fully included in the life and ministry of the church.  I'm one of them.  We truly want all people to know just how much God loves them by demonstrating that love in the way we love people.

That's what makes a letter like this difficult.  How do you ask a church like that for MORE?  Surely that's enough?!  Our church is open...non judgmental...not trying to "cure the gay" or "pray the gay away."  The question I've heard as we approach this ONA/O&A process to become officially what we sort of say we are implicitly, is "if we're so open like this, why do we need to be officially 'affirming'?"

The whole thing reminds me of when I was 6 years old and I wanted this girl that rode my bus to be my girlfriend.  (Of course I was gay back then too, but I was 6  and trying to be heteronormative for goodness' sake!)  So she took me aside and told me she would be my girlfriend-woot!  I was so excited-this girl was popular in the 1st grade crowd, she was funny, and everybody liked her (so if I'm her boyfriend, everybody will like me too!).  But then she told me the one condition she had:  We were to be secret boyfriend/girlfriend.  She and I would know the truth, but we would keep it to ourselves.  I was only 6, but it didn't take me long to figure out that this arrangement was a little fishy.  To this day I don't know if she was ashamed of me, not ready to commit, secretly holding out for another dude, or if way back then she knew I was gay and figured a closet relationship for a closet 6 year old was best.  It didn't matter...I valued myself enough to tell her that we should probably just stay friends and if that was going to be secret too then we should just move on.  So move on we did.  Though I remember her all through school, I don't ever remember being friends with her.

A lot of churches are living, not by the golden rule, but by the silver rule: "Do unto others better than others are doing unto them."  If we treat this group of people a little better than other people do, surely they'll see Christ in us.  My church is not one of those churches.  My church is a community of faith that is struggling with what it means to TRULY love our neighbor as ourselves; to do unto them what we would have them do unto us.  Perhaps in the process we ask more questions than we profess to have answers, but it is in asking the right questions that we seek the Kingdom of God and it comes nearer to us.  So when the question is asked about how necessary it is to be "affirming" to gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered people, it isn't a question asked as an attempt to avoid the issue, but as an honest struggle to do the right thing in the right way while maintaining unity among a diverse group of people all at different places on the journey (gay people included).

At the end of the day for me, it's about relationship.  I want my church to be my girlfriend (is this a weird analogy, especially for a gay guy?).  And I don't want any more secret relationships.  If my church believes that gay people, single and coupled, are valued individuals that are worthy of every single blessing extended to straight people, then I want them to say so.  The argument that "if we say we treat everyone equally, it would be a shame to single out the gays as though they were different or special" is a moot point-the gays are already singled out...and burying our heads in the sands of East Texas to say they aren't is the epitome of denial!  And I fear that it's just another secret girlfriend justification-a way to avoid bringing up an issue that might put us at odds with other Christians, with our friends, with our families even.  If my church is in support of LGBT people being fully included in the life, ministry, blessings, and responsibilities of the faith community, then I want them to be proud to say so.  I want them to be proud and excited to be the first church in East Texas to be officially Open and Affirming. I want them to welcome the publicity if there is any, not be afraid of it-because I'm not a bad boyfriend and I'd like to think my girlfriend would be happy for the rest of the world to know we're together...no matter what other people who don't want to date me think.

Please affirm me.  Affirming means that you are ok with me being gay and that you want me to have every blessing and every responsibility of any other church member.  Affirming me doesn't mean you like my boyfriend.  It doesn't mean you approve of every choice I make.  It doesn't mean you condone mistakes that I make.  It does mean that you extend real relationship to me.  That you go the extra mile to make sure that I and people like me know that, unlike all the other secret girlfriends they've had, this church is a girl that's proud to date them...that loves them and wouldn't change them for the world.  Affirming me means that when I get up to preach, you confirm that God can call someone like me to ministry and that when God does, you will be the church to say "amen" to that calling.  Affirming me means that you are unafraid of being connected with me and "people like me," and you are unashamed to be called names or face criticism for being my girlfriend, my church...because being with me is worth it.

And it isn't just about me.  It's about the countless lesbian, transgendered, gay, bisexual individuals who need this community of faith...who need Jesus...who need to be loved.  If we will not be that community of faith for them, how can we be sure we will be that community of faith for any other marginalized group?  If we are unable to make an official statement to send a message across the noise of hate that there IS a church where everyone can belong and we're that kind of church, then how can we informally make the statement that everyone is welcome?  If we are unwilling to be labeled negatively in the course of doing good, how can we be sure that we are committed to doing good at all?  And if we would rather equivocate, postpone, or mute our decision, how can we call ourselves disciples of a Christ who called us to such a radical way of love?

If the question is whether or not homosexuality is sinful, then by all means ask it.  If you truly believe gay people are living an inherently sinful "lifestyle" then please say so.  Get it over with and out there.  At least then I'll know where I can belong.  At least I can know that you're being honest with me.  After all, which is better?  A girl who says she'll date you and then tells everyone what a fool you are to think that someone like her would ever really date someone like you?  Or one that tells you to your face "no way"?  I'd rather be rejected and know it.  And if you're just not sure, not ready to commit, then I want to know that too.  Surely there's someone out there for me, and surely you wouldn't want me to put my spiritual life on pause while you lead me on until you can make a decision?

Because I do not ask you to settle every question in your mind or be able to argue every point.  I only ask that you say what you profess to feel in your hearts.  Say that you affirm me as a child of God, a fellow minister, a valued church member...and that I'm not an exception to the unwritten gay rule of the vast majority of churches, especially in our area, but that the affirmation I receive is available to anyone else like me...like us.  Because we're all the outcasts to someone...we're all the undesirable at some point.  But we have the chance to be a church where no one feels like an outcast because we are sending a clear message that God is the God of outcasts-the God who makes us ALL a part of the "in crowd."  We send that message with a clear statement.  An official statement.  A statement that makes us look different from other churches because, at least in this respect, we pretty much are.  It's called evangelism...telling the good news.  And it's what we're all about.

Please affirm me, because deciding to not become "officially O&A" means that I'm once again left without a church to call home.  A place where there's not just "room at the table" but where I'm truly one of the family...not a guest, but a child.   And because, if you do make it official, if you are courageous and proclaim the good news to LGBT people in our community, then we get to be the church that changes the world.  How do you know whether or not this church, OUR church, my church, has come to the Kingdom for such a time as this?  I believe we have.